I had such great feedback on yesterday’s blog that I decided to see if I could come up with a few more competitor questions for you guys. These are a little more…uhhh…rambunctious, if I can be so bold, but they’re real questions that I’ve gotten and I’m sure just about all of you have asked at one time or another. So grab that bottled water, kick back and raise your feet up (unless, of course, you’re in the middle of your cardio), and enjoy. To quote the old Budweiser commercial, “This one’s for you.” And yes, these really are answers I’ve given over the years. Sometimes I just have to be stupid to keep from going insane…
I need to find balance in this. How do you find balance in this? My life is getting so out of balance. How do other competitors find balance in this.
Balance? What is this balance you speak of? This is competition. There is no balance. You can’t find balance. You won’t have balance. Your life will stay out of balance as long as you’re doing this. You don’t want balance. You need to be imbalanced for a period of time to achieve your best potential. Being imbalanced is par for the course during competition season. You want balance? Lemme hand you that last place award now then. That’s what balance will get you.
My children told me I don’t care about them anymore. My kids told me they don’t like me anymore – that I’m no fun anymore.
You don’t. At least right now you don’t. You have a contest. That’s your priority. Tell them to suck it up and deal with it. Tell the kids you’re gonna lock em in a broom closet if they don’t sit down and shut up. Tell the kids you’ll take them to pizza and ice cream as soon as the show is over. Tell little Johnny that he’s not your real son anyway, so there.
My husband/boyfriend keeps asking me, “Who is this Dave/Doc guy and why are you always saying, ‘Dave Says…’?”
~sigh~tell your husband I took over your life for the next X weeks. Tell hubby I’m the center of the known universe. Tell hubby I’m the most important man in your life right now – yes, that means more important than him. He can have you back in X weeks. Tell the boyfriend to suck it up and grow a pair (notice I didn’t tell the hubby to do that. I’m not dumb). Tell the husband that I’d like to meet him so he doesn’t think I’m trying to steal his wife. Tell the hubby that I’m just doing my job.
My pee stinks.
Yup. That’s par for the course. It’s due to all of the veggies you’re eating, especially the asparagus. Asparagus makes pee stinky. Broccoli and cauliflower will also cause some people’s pee to stink. And it’s gonna be yellow too unless you’re drinking a ton of water (which invariably leads to the next question)
Why am I peeing so much? I’m peeing like every 15-20 minutes. I can’t even sleep through the night because I get up 3-4-5 times to pee.
You’re peeing because you’re hypervolemic – full of water from increasing up to 2 gallons a day or more. You’ll re-regulate in a week or two, but even then you’ll still be going to the bathroom significantly more than you normally do. If you want to sleep more, have all your water down about 90 minutes to 2 hours before bedtime. Yes, you’re gonna have to drink more often during the day but you’ll be able to pee out a lot of it before bed and sleep longer. You have a choice, drink less often and wake up or drink more often and sleep. You decide.
I’m constantly pooing. I’m tired of pooing. I’m pooing my brains out.
Well, you’re pooing a lot but you’re not pooing your brains out. But then again, maybe you are. You have been acting kinda sh***y lately. You’re pooing a lot because of your body metabolizing all of its stored fat and eliminating it. I can’t help you with the tired part. Read a book. Take a nap. Eat. You can do that while pooing. It’s called multi-tasking.
I can’t poo.
What is poo? Poo is waste. You have very little waste now. You’re eating clean and you’ve become extremely efficient at processing, digesting, and assimilating consumed foods. And you’re not over-eating, so you have nothing in you but fiber. You have to wait until your fiber builds up and then you’ll poo. Keep drinking your water though or you’ll cry when you poo if you poo at all.
I’m pooing almost runny poo.
That’s normal for when you first start eliminating all of your fat. It’ll solidify up soon enough. You’ll have stinky runny poo for a while and then it’ll start hardening up.
I’m pooing pebbles.
I told you the runny poo would harden up, didn’t I? Didn’t I tell you that a couple of weeks ago? You never listen to me.
My poo stinks. Why does my poo stink so much?
Your stool is made up of undigested food, bacteria, mucus and dead cells. It usually smells bad because of the bacteria and parasites, but it also can have compounds that produce an especially unpleasant smell. .You stink because of the waste elimination of fat. That’s some stinky s**t. Use Poopourri. Your poo will smell like vanilla and lavender or any of the other smells they have. It really works. My poo smells great.
Why am I farting so much?
I call farting a noxious, gaseous, combustible explosion. You’re farting because of the chemical reaction of the certain types of food in your stomach and intestines, particularly veggies, beans, and some breads. Some veggies are more combustible than others. It could also be poor digestion and breakdown of some of the foods you’re eating. Think beans. Most people get gassy on beans because they’re an incomplete protein, but when you add rice or cornbread, it turns into a complete protein and your gas is less. Broccoli is deadly in some people. Asparagus in others. It just depends on how acidic or base your stomach is and what kind of digestive enzymes you have. And farting is also a sign of good digestion. Read here to find out more.
Why are my farts so stinky?
Your farts are stinky for the same reason that your poo is stinky. Geez, have you ever smelt a sweet-smelling fart or poo? If you didn’t read the link above in the previous paragraph, you can read it now here. Now you can not only tell people about your farts, you can warn them in advance what kind is escaping. Have fun with that.
My spouse won’t sleep in the same bed with me, my farts are so bad. My kids won’t ride in the car with me. My co-workers hate me.
Dude, you’re a stinky farter. What can I say? Use Beano. Eat with your mouth closed. Don’t compete. Farting and stinky pooing is a rite of passage. Wanna be a competitor? Pull the sheets over your significant other’s head. If you’re still alive in the morning, you’ll make it to the stage…unless you do it too many times.
How am I supposed to eat the same food every single day at every single meal?
Do you have a dog or cat? You do? Do they eat the same food every single day? Do Pandas eat bamboo every single day? Do giraffes eat tree leaves every single day? As long as your diet is giving you everything you’re supposed to eat, like a dog, there’s nothing wrong with eating the same foods every single day. Now if you’re leaving out a macro-nutrient for an extended period for the sake of contest dieting, well…that’s another story, and I don’t consider that healthy.
Whelp…that’s about it for the questions. As always, if you found this interesting, entertaining, or informative, please share via the social media icons. And don’t forget to subscribe to my blog so you can be automatically notified when I post.
Doc
